Here's a fun little experiment:
Take a few seconds and look around you, noticing and focusing
on everything you see that is blue. Just look around and notice
everything that is blue.
Now close your eyes, and tell me everything you noticed that
is green.
Threw you a bit of a curve ball there, didn't I?
If you are like most folks,
you were expecting me to ask you to name everything
that was blue. Instead I asked for something different
from which you had focused on.
Here's an interesting fact from the world of race car
driving:
As I understand it, when new drivers are learning how
to race, one of the first things they're taught is what
to focus on when they go into a spin.
The natural tendency is for them to focus on the wall
they're trying to avoid hitting - and they usually end
up hitting the wall. They are taught instead not to
focus on the wall, but on where they want to go. In
this way, they have a better chance of avoiding the
wall and successfully getting out of the spin.
The exercise and story both point to the incredible
power of focus in our lives. Wherever we place our focus,
the rest of our mind and emotions will follow.
So how do we learn how to do this focus stuff?
One of the quickest ways to begin to strengthen your
focus muscles is to practice the 5-percent/95-percent
rule. That means to focus no more than 5 percent on
what you don't want and 95 percent on what you do want.
Focus 5 percent on what you fear and 95 percent on
getting educated and skilled to face it.
Did you know that we all have fears? Even people who
appear to fear nothing. The trick is not to have no
fear but to work at becoming strong and skilled enough
to face and conquer your fears.
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Focus 5 percent on the problem and 95 percent on the healthiest
solution.
Often it's easy to get caught in the endless definition and
redefinition of a problem. "What's the problem?"
is the wrong question. A better question is: "How many
different solutions can we create?"
Focus 5 percent on the mistake and 95 percent on learning
from it.
There's a wonderful story about a new employee of a large
corporation who makes a $10,000 mistake in his first week
on the job. Upon being called into the CEO's office at the
end of the day, he tells his boss that he realizes he will
be fired and that he is sorry for the mistake. To which the
CEO replies, "Fire you? No way. I just spent $10,000
training you." I bet he became a valuable employee.
Focus 5 percent on who to blame and 95 percent on making
sure to heal.
Getting stuck in blame sets you up to be lame. Focusing on
healing allows you to move on with your life.
Focus 5 percent on the conflict and 95 percent on the win-win-win
resolution.
Conflict, especially in families, does not always have to
be a win-lose situation. In any conflict, each side has needs.
The question is what kind of solution can be found that meets
as many of each person's needs as possible.
Focus 5 percent on what you must do and 95 percent on enjoying
the process of it.
"I have to," "I've got to," "I wish
I didn't have to" are all phrases that focus on having
to do things we don't want to do. Better words that shift
your focus would be: "How can I get all this done and
enjoy the process?"
Finally, and most important:
Focus 5 percent on reading this 95 percent on applying it.
When you drive, your car follows your nose.
When you live, your life follows your focus. Where's your
focus
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