"One day I'm a mother, One day I'm a lover, What am
I supposed to do? Workin' for a livin' All because I'm driven
... Why do I have to wear So many things on my head?"
These lyrics from the Amy Grant song ``Hats'' seem to capture
the cry of many overworked, overwhelmed and stressed-out people.
In the song, the word ``hats''
simply refers to all the different roles we must play
in our everyday lives.
There is the hat of employee, parent, spouse, son or
daughter, etc., etc. It might be easier if these hats
could be worn one at a time; we could complete one role
and move on to another. Unfortunately for most of us,
we tend to wear all of our different hats in the same
day, often at the same time.
TMH - a unique kind of stress
The responsibility and pressure of too many roles is
a unique kind of stress. I call it Too Many Hats Syndrome.
TMH syndrome can be likened to the sideshow at the circus
in which a guy has several plates spinning on sticks,
all at once. He has to run around constantly to make
sure he keeps all of them spinning.
What are some of the characteristics of a person suffering
from TMH syndrome?
She's always doing something, rushing, rushing, rushing.
She never has enough time.
She's not able to have fun and/or relax.
She has trouble falling asleep.
She wakes up during the night and is unable to go back
to sleep.
She has a feeling of always being ``on.''
She thinks she's the only person who has so much to
do.
She has the sense that if she stops and rests, everything
will fall apart.
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She works in bed until she turns off the lights.
She feels exhausted all the time.
She has fantasies of running away from it all.
Misinformation about stress
One of the most misleading ideas about coping with stress
is that somehow we can eliminate it from our lives. If you
are alive, you are experiencing some level of stress. In fact,
it's a sign that you are alive.
The main solution is in how we respond to and therefore cope
with stress. Dr. James Loehr, in his book ``Toughness Training
for Life'' has this to say: ``Stress management systems usually
aim at reducing stress, an unrealistic goal for most of us.''
Instead, Loehr focuses on how to be ``emotionally strong enough
to thrive on the stress.''
Unless we win the lottery or become independently wealthy
in some other way, most of us will simply have to learn how
to cope with our own version of ``Too Many Hats.''
Here are some suggestions for thriving on stress instead
of just surviving:
Organize, organize, organize your time. If you are saying
you don't have enough time to organize, you're proving my
point.
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself about your stress.
Negative self-talk such as, ``How will I ever get all this
done?'' and ``This is just not fair!'' turns stress into pressure.
Positive self-talk allows us to thrive on the stress in our
lives. Reframe the stress from ``all I have to do'' to ``all
I get to do'' or ``all I am able to do.''
Learn to say no when your dance card is already full. Keep
handy a 3x5 card with the word ``NO'' written on it in big
letters.
Delegate. Another sign of TMH syndrome is the mistaken belief
that we are only ones who can do a task properly. If it can
be done by someone else, allow them the privilege of helping.
Remind yourself that you usually do get everything done.
This can calm you and put things in perspective.
To get a different perspective on the situation, consider
how a favorite character from a recent movie or TV show would
handle the situation.
Take a mini-vacation. Whether a three-day getaway or a five-minute
break, getting away refreshes us.
Remember this word: balance. Make sure to leave room for
the hat called fun and relaxation.
Stress is an inevitable part of our daily lives. To be able
to thrive on our stress, it's important to have fun and to
enjoy keeping all those plates spinning.
Visit
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